Seconds of Pleasure, Months of Misery | ETM-Hilary Kemp 72

ETM is George Costanza and experiences only momentary joy in his life, with long intervals of misery.  Hilary has some suggestions for him.  But will the Green Tennis Ball bounce off of the Red Velvet Curtain's ideas?

ETM starts the show comparing himself to George Costanza, even though his folks are just the opposite of Costanza's parents.  Hilary informs us that she has to start looking for another job, as well as doing her current job, and she's teaching too.  She is the busiest woman in the world.  ETM tries to compliment her, but they of course disagree on the compliment.


Hilary asks ETM about microbes and starts an impromptu Science Minute.  ETM then gives us a Media Minute, featuring another podcast called "Hollywood Babble-On", starring Kevin Smith ("Clerks", "Chasing Amy") and Ralph Garman.  They discuss the sexual antics of Arnold Schwarzenegger.  This prompts Hilary to point out her disdain for hypocrisy amongst straights and conservatives and her love for having sex as often as possible with as many people as a person can.


Edward T talks about his audition on a lite-rock radio station and he reveals he has been unfaithful to Hilary.  Seriously?  Seriously!


They finally get to the main topic: JOY.


Edward T says he has none, and has had none for years, that he only experiences moments here and there, sometimes only seconds at a time.  Hilary points out it may be in the definition of the word.  She then spins a tale of how to find joy in spite of the pain that surrounds us.


Hilary's book recommendation, "Unstuck: Your Guide to the Seven-Stage Journey Out of Depression" by James S. Gordon M.D. :
http://www.amazon.com/Unstuck-Guide-Seven-Stage-Journey-Depression/dp/1594201668

"Hollywood Babble-On"starring Kevin Smith and Ralph Garman:
http://smodcast.com/channels/hollywood-babble-on/

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Time: 57:19

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Orson Welles and the Lesbian Subaru | ETM-Hilary Kemp 71

The Green Tennis Ball and the Red Velvet Curtain are back, and they're talking lesbians, subarus and ETM's quest to become Orson Welles.

The Red Velvet Curtain and the Green Tennis Ball are back!


Hilary starts out telling ETM about a private karaoke bar she went to in Seattle, where you only have to interact with your own private group.  Hilary says this lessens the wait time.  Edward T says this is classically Seattle, allowing Seattlites to not have to interact with anyone other than the people they already know.  He predicts big, big success.


ETM then goes on to point out that Hilary would love NoCo (Northern Colorado) because of the butch-looking women.  Is she attracted to women in NoCo?  She says no. She says that women in Seattle are pretty and not butch.  Edward T calls b.s. and says the women in Seattle, especially the lesbians, are unattractive, plus lots of the lesbians drive lots of Subarus.  Hilary says no way, not true.


Then ETM is looking for a definition other than Bisexuality, Homosexuality, Heterosexuality.  He wants to know what is sex with yourself -- always, all the time?  They search for a name.  ETM then says he feels like a prisoner, watching attractive women from the CSU campus walk by the coffee shop who are more than half his age.  Ironically, it's the lesbians who seem to like ETM the most.


Orson Welles continues as a subject, as ETM discussed his plan to become Mr. Welles, but is failing at that too, thanks to the healthy eating of his dad and step-mom.  Hilary is glad for this, he is not.  


And finally, it turns out ETM is afraid of his parents, whereas Hilary says "kiss my ass" to her parents.  Not the conversation that was expected, but what's new?


Lesbians and Subarus website:
http://lesbiansandsubarus.tumblr.com/


Marketing cars for gays and straights:
http://brandstrategy.wordpress.com/2008/08/20/naked-ambition-the-rise-of-nude-advertising/

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Time: 57:59

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Technical Difficulties, Please Stand By

Hilary and ETM are having technical problems getting the show together, so unfortunately, no show this week.  Stay tuned and thanks for your patience!

The real reason for the technical problems...

We'll Fix It In Post | ETM-Hilary Kemp 70

Hilary's on vacation, recuperating.  So ETM spotlights some of the best editing work from the last two years on the show, or, as they say in Hollywood: "Fix it in Post!"

An old saying in Hollywood goes "We'll fix it in Post!", meaning any errors in filming during production will be fixed in post-production, namely, editing.


And since Hilary is on vacation recuperating and she's not available to record, ETM decided to put together a "greatest hits" package of material that features one of his favorite things to do with the show: editing, mixing music and dropping in sound bites and sound effects. 


With that in mind, you'll get to hear some very funny (and very well-edited) sketches from the show: "Podcast Detective", "The Incredible Bulk" (featuring Danielle Bradford), and "Barnaby Jones and Ms. Gibson" (featuring Deanna Bradford).  ETM also shows off his mixing skills with the Media Minutes "Daniel Lanois" and "Vanity Fair magazine", where he demonstrates his ability to blend music and sound effects, as well as impersonating Jay Leno. 


It's not all about him, as you'll hear from Hilary in a Science Minute in which she explains the science of sex.  OK, it's a little bit about him: ETM debuts the "Science Minute Theme Song" in this piece, which was accomplished with a ton of research and greatly expanded from just a single "ding".


Finally, what would the show be without a disagreement?  Edward T usually doesn't edit out any fights that occur on the show, but sometimes they have to be wittled down in the interest of time or because they don't really have a conclusion (wait a minute.  How is that any different from any other show?)


Regardless, the show is concluded with an argument from a recent show where Hilary and ETM go back and forth about Shakespeare, science and IMDB.

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Time: 56:08

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Hello, I Must Be Going! | ETM-Hilary Kemp 69

ETM just got to Chicago, and now he tells Hilary he's moving to Colorado.  What in the world?

Hello, I Must Be Going!

Edward T just got to Chicago.  And now he tells Hilary he's leaving. Say what?.

As you know, Edward T just got to Chicago and he loves it.  And now, he tells Hilary he's leaving Chicago to move to Colorado.  Say what?. What is wrong with this guy's head?

Along the way, they further discuss the Green Tennis Ball / Red Velvet Curtain theory, ETM lays out how he got the job at the radio station, and how he's decided to turn himself into Orson Welles.  


Finally he tells the story of an evil woman he met in the big city (never was there a dumber hick who fell off the turnip truck), which leads to a discussion about Tyler Perry's movies.

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Time: 59:44

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A Tale of Two Cities | ETM-HIlary Kemp 68

ETM and Hilary perform their first show from two different cities - Seattle and Chicago.

A Tale of Two Cities

Edward T and Hilary do their first show from two different cities - Seattle and Chicago.

ETM catches up with Hilary on what they've both been doing since his departure from Seattle and subsequent arrival in Chicago.  Turns out he loves Chicago even more than he thought he would, to the point he has actually started reading books again and he seems to be happy.  How in the world will this affect the show?  Find out!

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Time: 49:53

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Edward T Martin and Friends | ETM-Hilary Kemp Show 67

ETM and Hilary are still working out the technical bugs of doing a show from two different cities.  In the meantime, here's Edward T Martin and Friends, a show ETM did on the radio a few years ago.

Edward T Martin and Friends Radio Show


Edward T and Hilary are still working out the technical bugs of doing a talk show from two different cities.  In the meantime, here's an oldie but a goodie, and one you've probably never heard before.


This is from the first and only edition of "Edward T Martin and Friends", a call-in talk show that ETM did on KLAY-AM radio in Tacoma, WA, in early 2008.  This is his first time ever on the radio, and he takes calls from people discussing that year's Super Bowl, Seattle traffic and the Alskan Way Viaduct and his adventures in Mexico with his friend, Kev.


So tune in and see what all the fuss was about...

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Time: 52:38

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BDSM Encore | ETM-Hilary Kemp 66

An encore presentation of the now-famous BDSM show - Show 30, "You Always Hurt the One You Love".  Hilary tells Edward T about some BDSM poetry and he puts on the brakes, asking for a quick clarification of terms. The result? The biggest argument in the history of the show!

BDSM Encore

An encore presentation of Show 30 - "You Always Hurt the One You Love".  

Hilary tells Edward T about some BDSM poetry and he puts on the brakes, asking for a quick clarification of terms.

What results is the biggest Donnybrook you've ever heard! Hilary says that two people participating in Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism in a consensual manner is perfectly fine and dandy. Edward T says there's nothing dandy about it and people who engage need their heads examined. The argument of the ages awaits!

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Time: 1:03:50

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Go Midwest, Middle-Aged Man | ETM-Hilary Kemp Show 65

The last show together from Seattle!  Hilary wants to talk about taking risks, which ETM is taking a huge one by moving to Chicago.  How does he do this?  How do they both feel about risks?  Find out!

It's the kids' last show together from Seattle!  Edward T is moving to Chicago, and Hilary wants to talk about taking risks, which ETM is taking a huge one!  


Before they get started, ETM has few things he's been thinking about since last time, including the Military and Abbott & Costello, and Tom Shane, your friend in the diamond business.


They then get to the topic, where Hilary reveals she takes risks, but different than the types that ETM takes.  What does this mean for both of them?


Also, Edward T bids a fond farewell, and he pulls teeth to get some comments out of Hilary about the final show...

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Time: 59:37

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Can You Hear Me Now? | ETM-Hilary Kemp Show 64

Hilary wants to know if it is possible to take responsibilty for anger, hurt and trauma from the past, and address only the present conflicts. ETM is totally confused. He says he has already did this and she simply is not listening to him. Could this be true? Did he address it? Is she not listening? Find out!!

Can You Hear Me Now?

The kids start out talking about Chicago radio, and Edward T continues to express his dislike for WBEZ's "This American Life".

They shift gears and go to "Things I've Been Thinking About Since Last Time," the self-explanatory segment in which Edward T reveals disjointed thoughts he has been ruminating on since they last met up.

He reveals his favorite actress when he was in high school, which leads to discussion of hot women vs good actresses, and if they can exist simultaneously. This includes his thoughts on Frances Bavier, Kim Kardashian and Mary Louise Parker. How did he possibly connect the dots on these three?

ETM then asks Hilary what she would do if she had one more day. Not one more day to live, just one extra day. Can Hilary actually put this together in her head? It's pretty simple, and yet...

Hilary then springs the topic of the day on ETM, which is taking responsibility. She wants to know if it's possible to get past conflict by taking responsibility for anger, hurt and trauma from the past, and addressing only the present conflict. ETM is totally confused. He says he has already addressed this and she simply is not listening to him. Could this be true? Did he address it? Is she not listening? Find out!!

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Time: 51:02

Glenn Miller, who did go to the University of Colorado,

just like Edward T, but did NOT play at ETM's prom.

Frances Bavier, in the role of "Aunt Bee" on

"The Andy Griffith Show" - ETM's favorite actress

when he was a teenager. More of a joke, really, but still...

Kim Kardashian, ETM's idea of the perfect physical

specimen of woman, and Hilary's nemesis. As long as he

doesn't have to talk with her on the phone.

Mary Louise Parker, from a promo photo for the

show "Weeds". Her great beauty is one of the few

things the kids can actually agree on.

Enjoy!

Sex and Love Test | ETM-Hilary Kemp Show 63

Edward T asks Hilary to take a sex and love test with him. The questions are designed to help diagnose sex and love addiction. They ask you to answer too. How do they score? How do YOU score? Find out!

Sex and Love Test

Edward T asks Hilary to take a sex and love test with him. The questions are designed to help diagnose sex and love addiction. They ask you to answer too. How do they score? How do YOU score? Listen and find out!

Plus: Hilary and Edward T break down their big argument from Episode 59, "Get Me Away From Here", where Edward T went full-fledged Incredible Hulk on Hilary. Turns out Hilary remembers it completely differently. Shocking...

And finally, a big announcement from Edward T regarding his bitching about Seattle. Tune in!

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Time: 58:54

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Letters to the Editor | ETM-Hilary Kemp Show 62

Edward T and Hilary are back in the studio together, and answer your questions, as well as commenting on your comments. Does that make sense? Listen and find out!

Letters to the Editor

Edward T and Hilary are back in the studio together, and answer your questions, as well as commenting on your comments. Does that make sense? Listen and find out!

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Time: 43:15

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L.A. Confidential | ETM-J.P. Giuliotti 61

Hilary is on assignment (Salsa dancing), so Edward T dials up the Skype to Los Angeles and talks to friend of the show and star of stage, screen & podcast, J.P. Giuliotti. The boys talk about their love of radio and going for your dreams, in a realistic way.

L.A. Confidential

Hilary is on assignment - actually, she's out Salsa dancing - so Edward T dials up the Skype to Los Angeles and talks to friend of the show and star of stage, screen & podcast, J.P. Giuliotti.

J.P. fills us in on what's been going on since he last appeared on the show, including his big move to the City of Angels. The boys talk about their love of radio, their current and past projects (including J.P.'s "Friends of Eddie Coyle" Tribute). J.P. even gets Edward T to talk about how became a traffic reporter. ETM even does a traffic report on the fly.

Finally, they talk about shedding the secure life and going for your dreams, but in a sane and realistic way. And in hushed tones, they discuss the planning of a surprise party for J.P.'s wife, the lovely Jade.

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Time: 57:47

Friends or foes? You be the judge!

At Jade's Surprise Party:

ETM, J.P.'s lovely wife, Jade, and J.P.

On the set of the "Friends of Eddie Coyle Tribute Project".

On the left, D'Angelo Midili with J.P. on the right.

ETM with the tallest Chinese woman in history, Jade Giuliotti.

(Ok, she's standing on a chair).

Demotivators - the website J.P. discusses on the show:

http://despair.com/viewall.html

Enjoy!

Show 60 - Removed at the Request of the Show's Guest Co-Host

Removed at the Request of the Show's Guest Co-Host

This show was removed at the request of the guest co-host.

Get Me Away From Here | ETM-Hilary Kemp Show 59

As you know by now, Edward T has more than a dislike for Seattle culture. Hilary postulates his unhappiness is from inside and not Seattle. You think you've heard him get angry before this? Not even close.

Get Me Away From Here

As you know by now, Edward T has more than a dislike for Seattle culture. Hilary postulates his unhappiness is from inside and not Seattle. You think you've heard him get angry before this? Not even close.

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Time: 54:35

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58 | Mama Said | ETM-Hilary Kemp Show

Edward T went into the hospital with Diabetic Ketoacidosis. Diabetic whatsahuh? He and Hilary break down what happened. Did mama really say there'd be days like this?

Mama Said

Mama said there'd be days like this, but seriously? Edward T went into the hospital in February 11 with Diabetic Ketoacidosis. Diabetic whosawhatsis? What the heck is that? He and Hilary break down what the heck happened and more importantly, what was ETM doing (or not doing) to get in this condition in the first place? A discussion of self-care ensues.

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Time: 50:04

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Chalk Talk | ETM-Hilary Kemp Show 57

After listening to Hilary talk about how "exciting" European Futbol is, Edward T attempts to explain to her why American Football is better (which it is). As always with these two, easier said than done.

Chalk Talk

Hilary continues to tell Edward T how "exciting" European Futbol is, and he's tired of it. So they sit down in front of the tube with an NFL game playing, and ETM attempts to explain why loves football and even more, makes an attempt to explain to Hilary HOW the game is played. Which he quickly realizes is more than a daunting task. But plow forward they do!

As usual, the conversation meanders away from the main topic to relationships in the past. Turns out ETM never dated a cheerleader while playing football in high school (because he never dated anyone at all, really) and Hilary's first boyfriend was football player!! What the hell, man?! Find out more, tune in!

Good video explaining the basic rules of football:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pr7Pu-Zw0Ow

Good amateur video of the game being played while the kids are talking, Seattle Seahawks vs Atlanta Falcons and CLICK HERE to see Matt Hasselbeck get tackled in the end zone, the subject of much of this show's conversation.

Another reason why football is great: Cheerleaders.

Pictured: The Seattle Seahawks Seagals

A Seagal gets happy thinking about

the next time she gets to see Edward T Martin...

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Time: 52:45

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